What Gokudera Hayato Does and Does Not Know
by theclockuponawall
Summary: Because there is a difference in five years and the difference between age thirteen and age eighteen is actually kind of really significant.


ticktick_tock._

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_**thirteen.**_

What Gokudera Hayato knows is that he is the bastard son of the bastard that he calls his father (_except he knows that he is the real bastard the real illegitimate the _real_ nothing_).

What Gokudera Hayato knows is that his half-sister Bianchi (_but his sister still his sister always his sister_) is extremely proficient in the art of Poison Cooking even if she does not realize this yet and is the reason why his stomach decides to start a revolution at the sight of her (_so in the end it's her own fault all her own_).

What Gokudera Hayato _thinks_ he knows is that there is no one in the world who cares for him (not even that _stupid_ bloody _perverted_ doctor because shit the ass probably just took pity on him and look he gave up pretty damn quickly on having Hayato as his student didn't he) and his family is a lie and all he really is is a mistake and so he's going to leave he's going to validate himself he's going to prove himself and like fucking _shit_ he's going to let some _pipsqueak_ take the head of Vongola head just because his blood has Primo's blood.

(_Because his blood is now shared only with a man who doesn't care for him or his mother and had her killed _had her killed_ and a sister who tries to poison him every chance she gets because she probably sees him as an intruder into her perfect life with her perfect parents except she's his sister and goddamnit _look_ at me more stop looking at that stupid boyfriend of yours stop looking at him look at _me_ I'm lonely I'm scared I'm sad come on, _look_ at me somebody _look _at me_).

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**_somewhere in between._**

What Gokudera Hayato does not know is that Bianchi is the reason he is still alive today.

What Gokudera Hayato does not know is that at the age of six, when he is to perform for the first time as the son of his father (_not his mother Lavina _never_ his mother Lavina_) that rumors of his illegitimacy (_his bastard heritage_) has been spreading around and that there are those who would gladly attempt to assassinate him to up their own status and position within the mafia (_because there is no place for a _bastard_ in the mafia but what else is new and he does not even know anything yet_).

He doesn't know that there are those who are perfectly content to kill someone perceived as useless without hesitation because right now outside of his blood family there is no one on his side and this is the goddamned _mafia_ and without allies or supporters you _can. not. survive._

And so Bianchi (_his sister goddamnit his _sister) poisons him because she knows she can and all that is needed really is just a single don's wife to pity him and then he will be _safe_ because there'll be a tie a bond a _connection_ and her (_precious_) brother's life is saved and he's even a genius now and.

(_Although_ _admittedly that last part was not planned but what the hell she'll take what she can get_).

What Gokudera Hayato does not know is that a few days after his recital (_disastrous ear-hurting how the fuck can it possibly be genius recital_), Bianchi has both failed and succeeded in saving her brother's life when potassium cyanide is found in his lunch right after he collapses one afternoon and _this wasn't supposed to happen this wasn't supposed to-_

But to everyone's shock Hayato, little Hayato _survives_ and he is still breathing and going about normally and _he's still alive thank fucking god_.

And when that perverted Shamal tells their father that it is thanks to previous exposure to poison he has survived this bout of poison in his system Bianchi is standing right outside the door and listening and _listening_ and when she is caught by her father and Shamal as they exit the room she stares and they stare right back and she understands what she needs to do because this is her _little brother_ and she will be damned if she can't protect him.

Even if he ends up hating her for it.

What Gokudera Hayato does not know is that Romeo is a prominent member of an allied famiglia not quite happy with his existence. So when they come to the manor for a meeting one day Bianchi subtly corners Romeo and the rest is history.

What Gokudera Hayato does not know is that when he runs away, every single time he is in a pinch on the streets the ones who help him are those who have been enamored by a certain rosette with large teary eyes who has asked won't they please please please _protect my little brother there are still _assassins_ out there and won't you please help_.

What Gokudera Hayato does not know is that when Romeo showed to be one who sent out a few assassins after him here and there, Bianchi was. not. amused.

* * *

**_eighteen._**

What Gokudera Hayato knows is that outside of his famiglia he still has family that loves him in the form of his sister Bianchi.

What Gokudera Hayato knows it that he has always been loved by those around him when he was small.

What Gokudera Hayato also knows now is that before his acceptance as the Vongola Decimo's Storm Guardian he has had a target on his head since his childhood and he should have been dead for a very, very long time now if not for his sister's timely- ahem, _intervention_.

What Gokudera Hayato knows now is that if hurts his sister to see him hunched over in pain every time she is in the vicinity and that _this was all her fault to start with_ and _fuck_ she should have just let him die what was the _point_ of saving someone who couldn't even stomach the _sight of your face and fucking hell god_damnit.

But he also knows the logistics behind classical conditioning and systematic desensitization because he is a bloody _genius_ and he is _not_ going to let his precious family (family famiglia somewhere down the line the difference between the two has blurred and vanished) suffer because he has a weak (_except not really_) stomach.

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**AN: **uhm. hi. clock here. new to the KHR fandom. kind of. ish.

yeah this is just kind of my take on the relationship between Bianchi and Gokudera because I think that their relationship is seriously underrated and undermined and it's kind of a mess because I didn't proof it and I have no beta and yeah hi.

basically my attempt to try to peek into Hayato's head after he's not as. uh. ignorant.

lulz. head.

cause I really only had the whole Bianchi taking care of him from the shadows thing and the whole trying to get past the throwing up-ness on sight thing planned and everything else was kind of me just shoving in random details and stuff like _hey woops Shamal too gotta add him in here_ and so this is probably really confusing and mixy and uh. yeah. welp.

uhmmm. oh right.

THANKS FOR READING. REVIEW PLEASE? (contructive criticism pleaseeeeee)

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ticktick_out_.


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